When the Old Dun Cow Caught Fire

When the Old Dun Cow Caught Fire

Some mates, and I, in a public house, were playing dominoes one night,
When into the pub, a cup-mate ran, ‘is face was all a’white.
"What's wrong?” said Brown, “have ya seen a ghost? Have ya seen your Aunt Mariah?"
"Well m’Aunt Mariah be buggered,” says he, "the bleedin’ pub's on fire."

"On fire!" says Brown, "What a bit of luck! What a bit of luck!" shouts he,
"For its us to the cellar – an’ if the fire’s not there we'll have a grand old spree."
So we all goes down -- with good old Brown, for the booze we could not miss,
And we hadn't been there ten minutes, no more, when we was all quite pissed!

And there was Brown -- upside down, lappin’ up the whiskey off the floor,
"Booze! booze!” the firemen cried as they come a’knocking at the door.
"Don't let 'em in till it's all 'mopped up'" Somebody shouted MacIntyre,
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk, when the Old Dun Cow caught fire.

Then MacPhearson flew to a port wine tub, and he gave it just a few hard knocks,
Then he starts taking off his pantaloons! Likewise, his boots and socks.
"Hold hard!" cried Brown, "If you want to wash your feet we’ve got some poor ale here.
Don't be washin’ your trotters in the port wine, Jack, when we’ve got so much stale beer."

Just then there was such a dreadful crash, Half the blooming roof gave way,
An’ we were nearly drowned by the fireman's hose, but still, we was ok;
So we grabbed some sacks, and some old tin tacks, an’ we nailed ourselves inside,
We all got drinking that good old scotch, ‘Til we got bleary eyed.

We got so drunk that we did not know; the bloomin’ cellar had caught fire,
Poor MacPhearson had the DTs bad and wanted to retire.
"There's 'old Nick'," said another chap, “and he's poking up the blooming fire,"
"That's no bogy,” says he, “-- it's a fireman, Tom." At least, said MacIntyre.

"Let's get out," said a blind eyed boy, "it's getting rather hot down here."
"Don't be a fool," said good ol’Brown, "we haven't drunk all the beer."
So we filled our hats, and we drank like cats 'midst the grownin’ flames and smoke,
And I had to take my trousers off, for I thought that I should 'croak'.

At last the firemen, they got in and gave a sudden yell.
Then they took their helmets off an’ upon their knees they fell.
"At last! At last!" the firemen cried, "at last we know the news."
"Come on! come on!" us lads all cried, "come on and have a booze!"

Later that night, as the fire burned down, we emerged from the cellar below.
Our booze was drunk, our pub was burned and our spirits sank quite low.
“Oh, look!”, says Brown as he checked his watch by the light of the dying fire.
“Now we gotta get down to Clancy’s Bar, it closes on the hour!”